Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
