Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
