Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I could make wine with my vomit
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
being pregnant is like rehab
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize