there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
