I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
