apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
