we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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