I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
