Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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