Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
