I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize