walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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