And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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