Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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