i just made my gag reflex go away.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
