maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize