She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
