WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
