i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
