Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
