I got chris browned last night
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
