sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
