Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So many bounce houses so little time
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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