Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
