Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
as a side note pls kill me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
