he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
