I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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