fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
