i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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