so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize