you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
