I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
