I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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