I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I smell stomach acid.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
