the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
