Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
