i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
