Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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