I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
