Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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