I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
