I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
