Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize