I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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