I have demons in me.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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