my being single is dangerous.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
