I skipped work to stalk him.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize