Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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