it wasn't lemon gatorade
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
