A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
