She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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