I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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