I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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