goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
