I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
