textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
