Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
