oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
