there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize