Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
