I must be too annoying 4 u.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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