Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
