This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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