Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
