So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize