So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i would one night stand the shit outta him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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