i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
