Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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