guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
