please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
