i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
