no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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