I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
