It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
