guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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