just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
