my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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