you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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