ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's shark week go big or go home
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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