Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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