Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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