Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
