we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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