1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
