Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
