I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
