The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
