if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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