I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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