Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sext me about skeletons
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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