I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
