Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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