She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
