highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
