would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
