bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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