I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Who died my cat blue again?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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