Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
