fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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