tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
