WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize