I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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