four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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