I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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