i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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