Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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