You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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