Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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