Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
