I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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