if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize