Midget sex pt 2 tonight
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
