wake up i wanna do it froggy style
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
