The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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