I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
