you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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