So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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