I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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