If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
