Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
