Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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