does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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