dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
