I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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