She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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