Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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