'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
